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Sometimes I log into my twitter to look at the past of my life. Sometimes it made me laugh, sometimes it made me cringe, sometimes it made me say “Oh My God! Was I that overeacting (read: lebay)?”

Sometimes by looking at your past moments you can learn from it or it can be your reminder how good you were when you feel bad for yourself. It can be your reminder that people loves and cares about you when you feel insecure. When I’m down, I usually go to ‘favorite’ in my twitter to re-read the tweets from my friends and my family when they heard about my accident. It surely can light up my mood and I’ll feel loved again.

I’ve just re-read my timeline. It’s full of my blog posts. When I scrolled down, I found my tweet it said “I feel like something really bad will come.. a big one.” and then “And oh!  Firasat poped in the playlist. What a creepy situation.” But to be honest, that day I saw everything surround me were covered by something in gray and I had a really bad feeling. I saw everything in gray until I saw it no more or maybe I already used to it so I didn’t realize. Two days later, I got a news that my best friend’s dad has gone.

At the time I got it, I tried my best to hold my tears. I tried my best to act calm because I was in a lab session, but I can’t. I went to lab assistant’s room to get some tissue. At first I just wanted to wipe some tears I had, but when another friend of mine asked me “what’s wrong” I can’t hold it anymore. I cried, It wasn’t silent cry like I used to do, but cried really hard like a child. I had never cried like that. It was the first time since I have no idea when. Even at the day I asked my mom to move to another high school I didn’t cry like that.

I hate it when people see me crying. I even hate it if people know that I’m crying. I also hate it when I’m crying because I feel that I’m weak and vulnerable and pathetic. Maybe that day was an exception. I let my parents know that I was crying. I let my friends see and hear me cry. My lecturer also heard me cry that day he even asked my friend if something wrong happens. The other thing that make me hate crying is when I cry, I can’t stop. That day, I cried literally a whole day and it still can’t stop although my eyes were swollen and hurt and I also had a headache because of it.

Sometimes crying is the only thing left to express your feeling and to make you feel better.


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